Reading a book about summer while we’re all stuck in school
is almost cruel. Here we are, staggering through the last weeks of an insane
year, and Benji is off in Sag with tons of time on his hands. This post was
supposed to be about Benji’s summer goals, but I’m just going to write about
the it’s-almost-summer apathy that comes around this time of year because that’s
on my mind.
The last weeks of school are both terrible and wonderful. Everyone
is burnt out and exhausted from long months of the educational grind, so all
our motivation has been replaced by apathy. Each day it’s more difficult to
find the will to go to class or finish assignments, but the constant threat of
finals keeps us halfway stuck on the academic hamster wheel.
Instead of dutifully keeping up with our responsibilities,
Uni students use May for a variety of spontaneous activities. Personally, I’ve
discovered the wonderful sense of freedom that comes from skipping physics. I’ve also been spending more time in the
lounge to talk with friends, play cards, or watch random youtube that fuels my
apathy. My procrastination is at an all-time high (it’s kind of a miracle that
I’m even writing this post right now). I spend hours a day procrastarunning and
procrastaplayingthepiano instead of studying for the impending catastrophe that
is the advanced topics final.
I find the it’s-almost-summer apathy to be liberating, in a
way. The interesting thing is that the apathy only affects things that I didn’t
care about in the first place, so I’m left with extra energy for things I
actually want to be doing. I dutifully finish readings for English and History,
and I’m more focused on track than during the long cold sad months. It’s just
that I no longer force myself to grind out physics problems or music history slides at two in the
morning. I’ve realized that I don’t care.
That realization is what makes it’s-almost-summer apathy so
surprisingly wonderful. So many of the things that I’ve stressed about this
year are over, and I’ve established a healthy (and necessary) distance between
my self-esteem and my quiz average. Summer is closer every day, and I’m so
ready. I have no idea what to do with the refreshingly empty months ahead, but
that’s okay. I need some time to be bored, just like Benji while he absently
listens to WLNG or potatoes himself on the couch.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this post even though there is no
organization and it’s not really about the novel. Nevertheless, have an
excellent summer! This was an amazing class and I love you all and I wish you the best with whatever your plans are for next year.
ANYA I LOVE YOU. Know that this apathy is normal. Actually I don't know if it is but I sure do know that I and many other Uni students go through this same phase of losing interest in things that you didn't have much interest in doing in the first place, and this hits hard when you lose the incentive of doing things past your college acceptance days... But you're so right in saying this opens up energy and time for things you like!!! I'm so glad you're happy doing track and focusing on subjects that your heart wants to focus on because you deserve joy. You really are so close to summer -- I send you my very best wishes for all your finals: I'm sure you're going to do great. See you at the Habitat Carnival ;) The end is almost here!!!! You got this!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAlso I want you to know that these were my last blog comments for Uni High English in my history of ever and I'm so glad they ended up here. I really appreciated all your insight and intellect this year. As well as your sweet, sweet heart. Love you my friend. <3
DeleteVery very true. I keep calling in sick to the office so that I can bail on class. I have 8 unexcused absences from the past 2 weeks. Ms. Smith catches me browsing twitter at least twice a week at this point. But you're so right about being able to focus on what we enjoy now. I just read a non-mandatory book for the first time in like a year.
ReplyDeleteI am like same! I would normally be using class time to work on stuff, but now that it is the end of the year, I just don't do anything during math class. I am so ready for this year to be over and I don't care about my grades as much as I used to. I stopped caring after I got a B in bio and now that I can't get a 4.0, I am so much more relaxed. I am going to miss you all! Especially the seniors!
ReplyDeleteEnd of year apathy is definitely real. Have I started studying for my math final yet? No, I haven't, and that's definitely going to kick me in the butt. After working so hard in this semester constantly, non-stop, it's so hard to continue working the last couple weeks when summer is so close. I've felt incredibly burnt out almost non-stop this semester and am in desperate need of a long, 3-month break. It doesn't help that I'm sick with a head cold. I definitely was filled with jealousy at Benji's summer vacation while reading this book.
ReplyDeleteOOF. You did a wonderful and articulate job of articulating apathy. I've taken mine a bit too far this year. first semester had some wild spurts of insane motivation and I've felt incredibly apathetic this semester. I'm excited for summer
ReplyDeleteLike everyone else, I have a mild case of end-of-school syndrome. But as you say, it's not necessarily a bad thing. These past few weeks have maybe been the most fun I've had at Uni, yet also my most productive. I've learned that you can fun and still get things done. But I'm also still psyched for summer vacation.
ReplyDeleteI felt this post on a spiritual level lol ! Fourth quarter has been rough because I have lost all motivation to do my work and I'm not even staying up to do work anymore, I just do it during my free periods or in another class on the day it's due. I know it's terrible, but I'm kinda proud of myself that I'm not constantly stressing about class and grades and everything. The fact that summer break is absolutely crazy to me, I can't even wrap my head around it, probably because of how rough it was this year. Regardless, I ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT WAIT FOR SUMMER!
ReplyDeletesummer break is almost here**
DeleteAhhh I feel this so much right now, but youre right. It is liberating. The realization that like, you'll actually be done and it'll all be over and okay kind of just makes that final grind not really that bad. And once I got through last week, this week doesn't scare me that much. Or maybe it's just that I do feel like I have time, things don't matter as much as they seemed. I can just watch YouTube videos and chill out and hang out with my parents and play piano and do literally whatever. It's the pre-summer summer feels.
ReplyDeleteIt's so weird I can relate to every feeling you bring up in this blog post, especially the end of year physics skipping. The burnout of months of lectures and worksheets just hits all at once and I lose my will to go to class. I guess in the short term my grades might be affected a bit but who the hell cares it's highschool so we should have fun instead of going to physics.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to having complete apathy for things that you don't enjoy as the school year ends. I wish that I could use the time spent procrastinating productively--it feels like a lot of the time, I'm just sitting around, waiting for myself to start homework instead of doing something else.
ReplyDelete